sometimes talking things out makes things worse, but it's better to have everything on the table. i know when i hold back things that i should say, it makes me feel terrible; and far worse then revealing the terrible thoughts that i conceal. i'm trying to come to terms with being a terrible and selfish person. the problem is, that i am only human, and with that nature comes a weakness, a reluctance to accept who i am, a timidness that makes me cringe instead of embracing myself; good and bad. someday i wll revel in my me-ness, but that time is not now. right now there's so many things happening to those i care about, and myself; that there is no time for self help and self love, there isn't even enough time to put out the fires. so my website sucks ass, my relationships are failing because i push people away, and i can't even tell perfect strangers the truth. the ideals that i've burned into my flesh--betrayed.