take it outside


Saturday, September 17, 2005

Hi Y'all,
Summer's over, and i spent it camping and being pretty outdoorsy and happy. That was my only life goal at the beginning of the season, and now i have to let the reality of my life sink in a little, and make a plan. I quit smoking, and that's been about 3 months now.

Now we're scrambling to put firewood in the barn for winter, as the farm has yet to sell, and we hadn't planned on making it through the incredibly harsh winter here. A lot has happened since David and I split up: as you can guess; I've moved back to the farm, applied for many fancy jobs in the city, (not gotten any of them,) gone on some small road trips, gotten some gorey injuries, aquired an actual tan, learned more about carpentry, and gotten a heck of a lot of bug bites, stings, burrs, bruises etc...

I'm still really introspective, and i'm hurting and frustrated. The general thread of despair about having made no fwd momentum at all, and being a total failure, is being offset by my faith in life and love, and the steady belief that it could always be worse. I'm not sure where i'm going or what i'm doing and definitely feel like i'm off track, but i feel that if i just don't panic, or get too depressed, it will all work out in the end. Basically "Hang in there Baby," (kitten hanging from a tree should be visualized here,) my energy will come back and i'll make something exciting happen soon. And if it's not exciting at least there will be progress. I'm focusing on putting one foot firmly in front of the other, and taking it day to day.

I got licked by a horse this week which was very cute, but then again, i also put a framing nail most of the way through my finger. That's basically how everything's been going with me for the last couple of months: bizarre and funny, unlucky and painful. Maybe all of my good luck is being used up by countering the bad....maybe i could have nailed my finger to the collar tie and kicked the ladder out and ended up falling 2 stories or something awful like that. At any rate i can type again, and so here i am, promising to write more often and hoping everyone is good, and enjoying this great fall weather.

Luff luff,


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