i don't really know how to articulate this feeling, so here's what happened: sunday morning started great, my dad and i got high centred in the jimmy and had to drag it out with my truck. this is usually a good way to start a day, it's fun, messy, and always a bonding experience. then when i was going to head back to the city,  i ran over my parent's deaf, nearly blind dog while backing out of the barnyard.  that was horrible. we were told up until yesterday that she was actually going to be fine. a miracle! but then they got a second opinion and had her put to death due to the extensive nature of her injuries. i feel so guilty i won't let myself cry. the fact that it was an accident doesn't make it any less terrible.