i learned how to put up evestroughs. i've gardened. i've ripped out and planted even more shrubs. my everything is so sore. but i feel better than i have in ages, and while all that crap that's getting me down is still there, i've been too busy to pay much attention to it. i know it'll pass someday and i just have to remember that i'm waiting it out--because sometimes i forget. i've recognized the corelation of feeling good, with the active challenging of myself. i don't know if i'll get to the point where i can relax happily, (as opposed to uneasily,) or if i'm going to be a go! go! type of girl for the rest of my life. i only seem to be really happy when i'm pushing myself, to learn, to go, to do. (DO!) i'm gearing up to go work abroad next summer for a while because it's something i've always wanted to do, and i really hope i get a good job and am looking forward to the challenge. this is some time off still, but i am worried that i'll never settle down. because i think: "i'll go to this country, after this one." i'm not a kid anymore and i wonder if i'll always have the urge to run. i feel really bad for david because he can see me chomping at the bit, and he isn't.