Tip of the hat to Pete for some of his tone.
I used the word irregardless in an email as a joke, while poking fun at someone. Nobody found it funny, or even noticed it. Here's why they should have:
"Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term." [It has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so, although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes...] (sic.)1
"...like debone, and unravel." I finished, while scrubbing the one remaining plate in the sink. I'm a bad person because I generally don't fill the sink, but let the water run, as I wash and rinse.
"Sort of like flammable/inflammable." I add helpfully.
"But can you ever really bone something?" David says, pausing to absorb my level brow.
I think this is the part of the story where I called him a Chinaman and asked him where he learned Engerish. He then showed me where he learned it, which was the place where he was also taught to punch ladies in their bellies. 2
Then, Dave and Pam came upstairs, and I informed Dave that I need his expert assistance in choosing the arch top guitar of my dreams; because, should I ever become rich 3, I would need to know which of these beauties to pose beside. (If I could decide, I would post the links for you. They're so beautiful.) If Dave had hands they'd be shaped like guitars. His current hands are busy playing WoW.
"Do they have a maker?" He asked. I squirmed.
"Well uh, none of the big brands like I'd know, like Fender," Dave looked at me some more, " Or Fender," I say, after an uncomfortable pause. "Not that I'm well versed, being a...the...is the word...where's the word...neo-phyte." (Ah Keanu, bringing it on home for me again, like sweet, sweet candy.)
"That works. You could also use plebe, catechuman, greenhorn..." Dave supplied agreeably, showing off his degree in rhetoric.
"Don't forget philistine!" David exclaimed from the kitchen. (No, this was where I called him a Chinaman and the tummy punching ensued. Tactfully, Dave and Pam decided this was the best time to leave.
David does need better self esteem, but I only let David have the upper hand for show. You want to know why he never talks? Because his jaw's been wired shut on account o' all that punching him in the face I do.4
Sho' you heard me right, "I'm the boss of the hotsauce."5
1. Dictionary.Com: " Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so. " Orig.
2.This place is apparently Ireland, and full of Chinamen.
3.The average starting price is upwards of $4,500USD. If only I had $17,000USD for the really nice one.
4.This never happens. David and I only express our affection for one another by purchasing too much Life cereal.
5. "The Boss Lady," Davis Jones as covered by The Detroit Cobras' album: Life, Love and Leaving.
I used the word irregardless in an email as a joke, while poking fun at someone. Nobody found it funny, or even noticed it. Here's why they should have:
"Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term." [It has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so, although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes...] (sic.)1
"...like debone, and unravel." I finished, while scrubbing the one remaining plate in the sink. I'm a bad person because I generally don't fill the sink, but let the water run, as I wash and rinse.
"Sort of like flammable/inflammable." I add helpfully.
"But can you ever really bone something?" David says, pausing to absorb my level brow.
I think this is the part of the story where I called him a Chinaman and asked him where he learned Engerish. He then showed me where he learned it, which was the place where he was also taught to punch ladies in their bellies. 2
Then, Dave and Pam came upstairs, and I informed Dave that I need his expert assistance in choosing the arch top guitar of my dreams; because, should I ever become rich 3, I would need to know which of these beauties to pose beside. (If I could decide, I would post the links for you. They're so beautiful.) If Dave had hands they'd be shaped like guitars. His current hands are busy playing WoW.
"Do they have a maker?" He asked. I squirmed.
"Well uh, none of the big brands like I'd know, like Fender," Dave looked at me some more, " Or Fender," I say, after an uncomfortable pause. "Not that I'm well versed, being a...the...is the word...where's the word...neo-phyte." (Ah Keanu, bringing it on home for me again, like sweet, sweet candy.)
"That works. You could also use plebe, catechuman, greenhorn..." Dave supplied agreeably, showing off his degree in rhetoric.
"Don't forget philistine!" David exclaimed from the kitchen. (No, this was where I called him a Chinaman and the tummy punching ensued. Tactfully, Dave and Pam decided this was the best time to leave.
David does need better self esteem, but I only let David have the upper hand for show. You want to know why he never talks? Because his jaw's been wired shut on account o' all that punching him in the face I do.4
Sho' you heard me right, "I'm the boss of the hotsauce."5
1. Dictionary.Com: " Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so. " Orig.
2.This place is apparently Ireland, and full of Chinamen.
3.The average starting price is upwards of $4,500USD. If only I had $17,000USD for the really nice one.
4.This never happens. David and I only express our affection for one another by purchasing too much Life cereal.
5. "The Boss Lady," Davis Jones as covered by The Detroit Cobras' album: Life, Love and Leaving.
1 Comments:
At 7:27 p.m.,
Peter Lynn said…
"'But can you ever really bone something?' David says, pausing to absorb my level brow."
The answer is yes. David, for example, bones Andrea. Or one would assume. That's really none of my business.
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