The Worldwide TIO Exclusive

Who's ready to ask the hard questions, selflessly explore uncharted territory, take the risks that no one else is willing to? That's right, Take It Outside is here for you. And I've got the skinny on the most asked question of this year:

ALP: Diet Pepsi Twist, Do you taste better before or after, what must have been a horrible, painful ordeal to you? I realize this must be hard for you, take your time, please.

DPT: (sniffling noisely) I even have a new improved taste as you can see in the picture. I just want to be loved, I change everything for them and look what they made me do. I hate myself so much.

ALP: I understand this must be so difficult for you to talk about, the past 2 years of being the new kid on the block, being almost universally maligned, having your self respect undermined by every cola around you, but I really must know, you owe it to the people watching your story unfold; do you taste better?

DPT: No. They tell me, no. (quietly sobbing)

Diet Pepsi Twist seen here, been torturously processed through a Brita filter, one dark night during March.