take it outside


Wednesday, May 26, 2004

the greater irony is not lost on me: as i demolish a stone and brick monstrosity in the backyard, i scramble to pick out the pieces of fool's gold and lay them carefully aside. i remember last night's dreams, and stare unseeing at the ground.

Monday, May 24, 2004

it's scary how fast a year will go by. i remember that this is my life, and it's slipping through my fingers without my getting any wiser. everything is a choice, yes, but often we choose others over ourselves; and sometimes that's not as satisfying as it should be. today i will drive under the piercing blue sky by myself.

Friday, May 21, 2004

i'm now trying to smash something in the back yard that appears to be indestructable. indestructable things are made for smashing, it's a challenge to the gods.
"i love you and it hurts. i hate you and it hurts. i need you, and it destroys me."
i'm going the wrong way and my heart is breaking because i'm being told to turn around. but i don't want to turn around, and i don't know when i'll be able to want to.
i don't want to accept that this is the way things are going to be.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

i'm pretty miserable. i know that the happiness that i'm capable of is just around the corner, but sometimes it seems so far away it's hard to keep working towards it. and yes, i am trying to quit smoking. how'd you guess?

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

i had a dream about cuba. what a combo: dreams about mom and i in cuba. it's just wrong.

Monday, May 17, 2004

i'm busy lately. today i'm thinking about "belonging" vs "not belonging."

Monday, May 10, 2004

i'm thinking about "the emotional" vs "the logical" today.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

i'm pissy today, and have too much too do. how is it that i'm jobless, and it seems like there's less time to do things? blargh.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

i wonder if crane operators ever have crane fights after hours, when the contruction site is empty of all but their towering glory.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

i'm back in wine country after my little tour to see some people. "full moon fidget" describes my status nicely.

Monday, May 03, 2004

i hope i don't lose my analog nature because of this.