the basement is now a pile of smoking rubble soon to be discarded for new drywall and fresh paint. i find that the amount of work this is going to entail, may not be entirely worth it. the decision to rent out the basement, once finshed, has been made. so it'll be all pretty and new, but we won't get to use it. a shame. the HUGE bin for dispossal is arriving tomorrow, and i look forward to inventing reasons to throw everything i possibly can, out.

i really want KD. not really. more accurately i should be saying that i crave President's Choice White Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese. i could eat the cooked contents of a whole box. mmn. the fact that i don't have any, and refuse to buy any for just such a reason, is not lost on me. Damnable forethought.

no, i don't have anything else to say.

people seem to be taking punctuation and capitalization quite seriously lately. this is good in theory, but i'm against it if it turns us into churlish versions of the lovable "fire it up!" edity types we all know and love. (Go, Pinkerton, go!) first i'll re-bring attention to Wired uncrowning the internet of its "I." secondly, the New Yorker's scathingly nitpicky review of Eats, Shoots & Leaves. i though this was almost childish. because i'm lazy, here's a tidy article on common blogging flaws-- all which i'm guilty of--to help us better ourselves and keep readers. because that's why i write in my blog; i'm gathering hordes of fans, not selfishly putting my rather myopic thoughts up for the few people who check in once in a while.

the goal of my blog is world peace.

i learned how to put up evestroughs. i've gardened. i've ripped out and planted even more shrubs. my everything is so sore. but i feel better than i have in ages, and while all that crap that's getting me down is still there, i've been too busy to pay much attention to it. i know it'll pass someday and i just have to remember that i'm waiting it out--because sometimes i forget. i've recognized the corelation of feeling good, with the active challenging of myself. i don't know if i'll get to the point where i can relax happily, (as opposed to uneasily,) or if i'm going to be a go! go! type of girl for the rest of my life. i only seem to be really happy when i'm pushing myself, to learn, to go, to do. (DO!) i'm gearing up to go work abroad next summer for a while because it's something i've always wanted to do, and i really hope i get a good job and am looking forward to the challenge. this is some time off still, but i am worried that i'll never settle down. because i think: "i'll go to this country, after this one." i'm not a kid anymore and i wonder if i'll always have the urge to run. i feel really bad for david because he can see me chomping at the bit, and he isn't.

i've enrolled in some classes, went skydiving on the weekend, and am trying to focus more on living and doing the things that i want; than brooding about being a directionless emotional misfit. i've reached the point where i've accepted that sometimes there is actually nothing i can do, and try to wait patiently for the things to resolve themselves.

The summer's almost over and i find myself barely keeping up with the list of what i wanted to do at the beginning of the summer, and letting go of a lot that i wanted to do throughout. working on letting go; i'm trying to learn that every terrible thing that happens, isn't the end of the world, no matter how much it hurts. i've been thinking about the nature of redemption. my theory is that if you feel bad about the things that you have done, you'll always feel bad about those things, whether you've tried to redeem yourself, pay penance, or make amends. there is no redemption. this is a continuation of my thoughts on accepting yourself for what you are. (july 8.) the list of the terrible things that i've done surely outweighs the wonderful; or is it that i don't remember any of the good deeds i do?